The Story
In Madame Baptista’s famed house of ill-repute, proud Mistress Kate must dominate over Peter Pluck, else lose herself to his command, while young Luke and fair Bianca fling themselves headlong into hormone-driven romance and forbidden love. High art meets tongue-in-cheek in six outrageous episodes of comedy, sex, and foul language!
KATE
“LOVE IS PROFITLESS.”
Head mistress of
Madame Baptista’s brothel.
PETER
“LOVE IS POINTLESS.”
Suitor of Kate,
and a braggart.
BIANCA
A novice in
Madame Baptista’s brothel.
LUKE
Suitor of Bianca,
a poor student.
SIGNORE HORENCE
Suitor of Bianca,
a wealthy patrician.
MADAME BAPTISTA
A brothel owner,
matronly and shrewd.
HELEN HECATE
A midwife,
sharp of wit and tongue.
DR. LAURENCE
Luke’s uncle,
a learned physician.
GRAYSON
“PULL MY PICKLE!”
Servant of Peter,
an ugly degenerate.
MARIA
“FA! NOT FOR A NICKLE!”
A charwoman.
THE CHORUS OF THE BROTHEL
JOSEPHINE
NICOLE
RACHEL
CARRIE
PETRA
JOHN
A customer of Kate’s.
THE NARRATOR
Your host.
EPISODE ONE: ACT I
ACT I scene i “Introductions in the Brothel Courtyard”
A steamy rendezvous between Luke and Bianca is precipitously interrupted by the comings and goings of Madame Baptista's brothel.
ACT I scene ii "An Orgy”
Peter Pluck’s raucous behavior invokes the wrath and scorn of Mistress Kate.
EPISODE TWO: ACT II
ACT II Scene i “A Meeting of Men”
Peter boasts that he will conquer Kate, and Luke gains clever entrance to the brothel.
ACT II Scene ii “Business Dealings”
Kate scolds Bianca about the dangers of love, and vows that she herself will never be conquered.
EPISODE THREE: ACT III
ACT III scene i “Playing Doctor”
Horence grows suspicious as Luke gives “examination” to Bianca.
ACT III scene ii “Peter Plays a Peeping Tom”
Kate “entertains” a customer as Peter spies through the keyhole.
EPISODE FOUR: ACT IV, PART 1
ACT IV scene i “The Midwife at Work”
The midwife schemes to unite the young lovers and hoodwink Horence.
ACT IV scene ii “Advanced Roleplay”
Peter gets more than he bargains for when he “plays house” with Kate.
EPISODE FIVE: ACT IV, PART 2
ACT IV scene iii “A Room with a View”
Luke and Bianca consummate their love while Horence and the midwife see it all.
ACT IV scene iv “Post-coital Dysphoria”
Mistress Kate puts Peter in his place.
EPISODE SIX: ACT V
ACT V scene i “Dearly Departing”
The doctor and the midwife aid Luke and Bianca’s elopement.
ACT V scene ii “All's Swell That Comes Well!”
A quickie, a feast, and a contest to see who knows true love.
